i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
