Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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