I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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