Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm having to shit out rocks
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