They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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