i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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