she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
