I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize