You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
