So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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