did you get engaged???
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize