Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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