i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
