Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
