its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We are two peas in an std pod
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
