Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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