mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I will be naked everywhere
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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