went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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