he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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