I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
