woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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