I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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