Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
