Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's blow job season.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
