I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
