My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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