if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
send nudes
from the living room?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
