thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
