Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
