you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
