and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
