Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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