Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
