i think my tv is drunk
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
