He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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