How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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