How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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