she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
