My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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