I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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