Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
