So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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