I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
