I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
