Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
