We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
