Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
