You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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