I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
