he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
