theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
