We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Its guy fieris flavor town of sufferingâ„¢
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
