you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
