She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
