I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
