i barfeds in our rink
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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