farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
