As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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