you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
