i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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