Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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