I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
did i just pee glitter
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
