life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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