I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
