i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
