If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
