Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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